Friday, June 25, 2010

Huntard

Hi Moo;

I'm an 80 hunter. My friends are all trying to get me to raid. So I do, but then they tell me I'm terribad.

I'm fully spec'd in beast mastery, all 71 points. I figure this is good because I've got a wolf as a pet and when he enrages he turns all red and scary. I mean if he scares me, how do the mobs feel about him? I'm told I should spec survival but we've got a really, really good tank...I mean she's freakin awesome! So if I'm never getting hit why would I need to spec survival?

Then there is this rotation stuff. I got asked in a raid what my rotation was, and when I told them I used my mouse to turn and would rotate left or right, depending on the situation, they kicked me out!! I mean why?? I thought keyboard turning was bad!

I asked my friend and he told me to go and search for "Hunter Rotations". So I did, but all I find is algebra!! I mean SS + AS + ES. I was pretty bad at math in school, so I don't understand what they mean.

My friends all raid without me and it sounds like they're having a really good time, but all I do is go pick flowers and make potions for them.

Can you help me to not suck Moo?

Signed,

Don't want to be a Huntard


Dear Huntard;

You actually got kicked from a raid because you're not a keyboard turner? I'm shocked!

I was actually going to roll a hunter, because doing massive damage with autoshoot would give me more time to surf porn while raiding, but, well, we needed a healer, and I'm awesome at healing. So that's that. (my tank almost dropped dead when I mentioned I surf porn during boss fights (I thought she knew)...I wonder why?)

I don't think your problem is your rotation, or the fact that you epic fail at math. Btw, SS + AS + ES = 42...just so you know. The issue. despite your assertions that you think you're doing good, is your constant need for attention.

When you think of it, you're kind of pathetic. Being a hunter isn't that hard so you're obviously sucking for attention...that reminds me of a girl I knew once, but I digress. I wonder how your friends feel about your fishing for compliments when you hand them the potions you made them...I wonder how they feel about you giving them potions and not flasks?

You could try and switch tactics and try to get attention by being really good. But you're a hunter and this is an uphill battle...as this excerpt from the chat window of a recent raid will show

HUNTER: OMG, I just did 32k dps!
TANK: Wow, ummmmmm, gratz?
TANK Whispers Moo: Isn't that normal for a hunter?
MOO: What? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.

If you can't do that I would suggest taking up one or more of the following professions or hobbies to feed your need for attention:

- Stripper
- Astronaut
- Movie Star
- Rock Star
- Lady Gaga's Fashion Designer
- Guy or girl who stands downtown wearing a tinfoil hat shouting that the world will end (people pretend to not pay attention, but believe me they are!)
- Guy or girl who storms out of his house wearing nothing but a bathroom and screams at all the kids to get off his lawn (this usually works for me)
- Girl who wears white after labour day.
- Person who spontaneously combusts at a shopping mall

Those are only a few suggestions, I'm sure with a little thought you can expand the list!

Cheers,
Moo






Sunday, June 13, 2010

The family that raids together...doesn't necessarily...

Dear Moo,

My husband and I have been World of Warcraft for a few years now, it’s been going fairly well. However, I've met this other woman in game...a BELF Pally tank and lately it seems I’ve been more excited playing with her than my husband. I’m very confused as I don’t feel friendship towards her, it’s more primal.


Confused Cow


Dear Confused;

What's going on here is pretty obvious.
You haven't mentioned your husband's class, or playstyle or leetness at all, so I'm going to presume he's a casual player.

And there's nothing wrong with that, except in the case where you're married to, and playing with another WoW Player.

You're probably worried about your feelings towards this other woman, wondering if you're bi-sexual, or maybe even a full-on lesbian. I can imagine this is keeping you awake at night, with questions like "Do I invite my husband to my "Coming Out" Party?"

Well, relax. You're probably not a lesbian...probably.

What is more likely is that you have a condition called Opaphelia, or more properly spelt OPaphelia. You are sexually attracted to players who truly are OP, regardless of their race or gender (in game and irl)

You likely haven't noticed this before, as I imagine you wrote off the little twinges of lust you felt when watching someone climb the meters to the porn you were surfing in another window. If you don't surf porn in another window you were probably thinking about it...same thing.

But, you've "befriended" this woman so you're around her more and have noticed these primal urges are associated with her online status.

What to do about this? Well there are a couple of avenues.

The first, and the one I would recommend is to engage in hot, steamy cybersex. I'm willing to assist in this. Merely send me the chat logs (and any webcam, voice chat recordings), and I will give them a thorough analysis...at no charge because you're an avid reader.

This will allow you to fully explore your feelings.

The second you will need to alter your gaming set up for. First off...wrap your monitor in plastic, then go out and buy one of those roll-up rubber waterproof keyboards. Move your PC so it is well away from your seat.

Next, you'll need one of those water cooler things with the 18L jugs of water (make sure it refrigerates the water.

Once you have all that set up, get a big pitcher and keep it filled with chilled water at all times.

Whenever your friend comes online or speaks to you, douse yourself with cold water, liberally.

This is called "aversion therapy". It sounds like it would be pretty effective.

I hope something in all this has helped.

Good luck!

Cheers,
Moo



Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hiatus is almost over

Hi Folks;

I should've posted this sooner. I've been silent.

I had a death in the family. My beloved aunt, Tante Lettie passed after a brief fight with cancer. She was taken suddenly and it hit me hard. May she rest in peace.

Immediately after her funeral I had to go to Dallas for a week for work. It was a busy but fun week (The Gaylord Texan is awesome for kids...for adults...kinda boring, unless you're there with WoW on your laptop...wireless sucks though).

I also got hit with the forum ban hammer for advertising my blog. So if you know any place where I can post updates, or get them to link to my blog I'd be grateful

I'm back and I've a few ideas brewing, so a new letter will be posted soon!

...if you've any ideas for letters, please email me!


Luv,
Moo