WoW Widow

Hi Moo;

I don't play this stupid game, but its causing some huge problems in my marriage. I've tried conventional advice columns but they haven't worked, so I'm turning to you.

My husband, Bill, is addicted to World of Warcraft. Its like I don't exist anymore. Its always "Raid Night", or "Achievement Night", or "Sorry honey, my guildies need me!"
What about ME?! I need him too!

I have to steal the power cord to his PC and his laptop battery in order to get him to help out with chores around the house, and when I do that he bitches at me for the 10 or 15 minutes it takes to take the garbage out, and then if I try to get him to do anything else he throws a temper tantrum, literally! He sits on the floor and cries until I give him his stuff back. Then I usually get a tirade about how he missed out on a "daily random" whatever that is.

Don't get me started about our sex life. Its non-existent. He never has time. I mean, it used to be all right when he started the stupid game, but really, why the hell did he have to start foreplay by yelling, "LOK TAR! You've got Bill aggro!" and insist I yell back "ZUG ZUG" as he jumped on me?!

I want my husband back Moo!

Signed
Frustrated WoW Widow



Dear Widow;

I'm very glad you brought this to me. I am more qualified than most to help you deal with this. I've been married twice and this makes me an expert in inter-spousal communication.

While I can understand your frustration on one level, I think you are missing some very serious advantages here.
First off, you can watch whatever you want on tv. You never have to fight for control of the remote, or put up with endless re-runs of Stargate SG1!

But if you really do want your man's attention, I suppose there are things you can do to get him back.

Its important to realize that some of the things that draw people to the game are quests and achievements. I would suggest that you incorporate these into your daily routine.

So, instead of yelling, "Hey Bill, do the dishes!", you would get his attention by standing in front of him holding a blue cardboard exclamation point over your head. Then say something like this:

"Oh Noble Bill, my kitchen is in danger of being over run by maggots and other disgusting, creepy crawling things! Only you, brave adventurer can save me! If you take this dish washing kit, and clean the dishes, I will give 14 gold and 75 rep when you return to me!"

When he comes back after completing the "quest", give him some of those chocolate coins covered in gold foil, and something from the basement that you were going to throw out anyway like old socks. Call them something like "Eviscerating Socks of the Condor". If he asks about vendoring the socks, offer some more "gold" for them. (you can just keep using the same socks, he won't notice, or care)

Keep a "Reputation Bar" on the fridge and colour it in as he gains rep with you. At each level (Friendly, Honoured, Revered and Exalted), be prepared to reward him with something. Once he's exalted, its typical that an "Epic Mount" be offered ("wink wink")

You can see that this has some limitations as it will only work until he reaches Exalted.

With some imagination you can expand out the quest and achievement system to cover many things

Do you like jewelery? Make it clear that he can earn rep with daily turn ins of ear rings, necklaces, whatever you like!

Need him to pick up his dirty clothes and put them in the hamper? Create an achievement!

Want him to take you out to dinner? Mention that your favorite dish at your favorite restaurant is "buff food" and will give him +stam (he'll know what it means).

Failing all that, you could always dress up like a Blood or Night Elf and dance on a mailbox. That seems to turn some guys on....

Hey, if you do that last thing, send me pictures, I'll help you with your uh...authenticity!

Cheers,
Moo


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