Ni Hao!

Hi Moo;

I guess I should start by saying that I really dig Asian chicks.

So I met this Asian girl playing a Blood Elf hunter with a really strange name "Xixixix" out in Terrokar Forest way back and from the moment she said "Ni Hao" I was in love!

I think she lives with her parents or something because all her messages are in code. She sends me to websites that say things like "YOU LOVE OUR PRICES BEST GOLD PRICES EVER!!" She obviously wants me to know that she loves me, and that she needs gold.

After a week, I nearly fell out of my chair when her website changed to say, "SPECIAL LOW PRICES JUST FOR YOU!". That's true love, right Moo?

What followed was months of secret discount codes, just for me...obviously our love was growing. I figured out the secret language of gold amounts translating to things she'd like to do to me (10g meant a kiss, don't make me say more :) ).

I don't mind buying her gold, but I wonder what she spends it on, because, well her gear is crap. All she does is run around and grind mobs and pick flowers and mine ore...every time I'm on, that's all she does.

I ask her if she wants to run some instances and she sends me to a website that says, "SALE CLOSING SOON! BUY GOLD NOW AT BEST PRICES!". I mean that's a pretty obvious secret message right?

Here's what making me think its over Moo and I don't know what to do...

I caught her the other day spamming her secret message websites in /trade. I mean..holy crap...she's a slut...sending OUR secret messages to every loser in trade?!

Do you see anyway I can save this Moo?

Signed,
Lovelorn



Dear Lorn;

Well, the short answer to this is no, there is no way to save this. I'm sorry to be so blunt.

Its obvious that you weren't man enough for her, or you couldn't buy her enough gold. Some people are fickle that way...they always want more and it looks like your girl's appetites were too great for you to fulfill.

This whole thing goes back to you and your relationship with your mother.
I say, with a fair degree of certainty, that you were breastfed well into your teens, often in front of your friends...if you had any friends. I can't imagine the trauma you went through when your mom finally cut you off (I won't go into her issues here).

Normally I would, at this point, explain to you that you were being a delusional twit in falling in love with a gold farmer, and the fact that you actually bought gold and gave it to her is more funny than then the time I tried to heal Marrowgar on my Death Knight.

But no, I'm not going to tell you that, what I will tell you is that I know a girl who is perfect for you! Her name is Fddjxyl, she is a level 1 Blood Elf Mage on Aegwynn.

If you've got the gold (say 1k a chat), she's got the time!

If she's not on and I am whisper me, and I'll go get her...ignore the fact that she and I are never on at the same time. Oh, she's never on Tuesdays, Thursdays or Sundays, because those are my raid nights. She, uh....babysits for me when I'm raiding!

Cheers,
Moo





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