Hi Moo;
I'm a level 80 Death Knight, with aspirations to do awesome dps in ICC! (if I can ever get in).
I'm having problems with my dps and I think I know why.
My tank hates me.
She starts the fight, I drop Death and Decay, and she pulls the mobs off of it...everytime! I mean, its a big red circle on the floor! How hard can it be to leave the mobs there!
I'm afraid to bring this up with her because I'm afraid she'll just let me tank..and then I might break a nail or something!
What do I do Moo? Can you help me handle this?!
Signed,
Tank Related Crappy DPS
Dear Crappy DPS
Have you considered just death gripping the mobs back to your circle o' death? That forces the tank to come back to you and gives them the fun of trying to pull aggro off you. Added fun for the healer trying to keep you alive too!
I jest of course. The problem isn't your tank, but you.
Despite your reference to "breaking a nail" I suspect you are male, insecure in your masculinity at that. You popping your DnD prematurely is indicative of deep seated sexual issues that has likely caused problems throughout your life.
Outside of an "arrangement" to drop a Cure Disease totem in a House of "Ill Repute" every once in awhile I'm not really qualified to deal with sexual issues, but I can make some suggestions as to how to deal with this.
Its important not to dwell on past performance. This will lead to problems in upcoming fights. The technical term for this is "performance anxiety". It is a particular problem when working with tank for whom you have an attraction.
A bit of this is natural of course as you will want to impress her, and, what's more, you'll want her turning to you whenever she needs dps.
I'm going to suggest that, while setting up for the fight, take a few deep, slow breathes. Its important to communicate with the tank prior, so she knows you are ready and engaged in the process. A good way to communicate subtly is to blow your Horn of Winter and buff everyone.
When the fight starts, to prevent popping your Death and Decay too soon that you mentally review complex theorycrafting until the time is just right. Then drop Death and Decay, and impress your tank with your awesome dps. When the mob goes down you will leave her impressed and anxious for the next fight!
Cheers,
Moo.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Trapped in the 80's (the decade, not the level)
Hi Moo;
I have a perplexing problem, and I need your help.
Our Guild Master is pretty good at stuff like putting together raids, but I'm deeply concerned about him.
He's on the young side (if I sent him porn I'd probably go to jail), so you'll see that this is a real issue.
He seems to be stuck in the 80's.
Whenever he keys his mike in vent we hear horrible music in the background, I mean, stuff like Boy George and ABBA!
We thought maybe his mom had her stereo on, but we've since discovered that she prefers bands like Staind and Saliva.
How can we help him Moo!
Signed,
Worried
Dear Worried
I can see that you're concerned and I'm glad you brought this to me
There's nothing wrong with your friend's musical taste so long as he's kind of lame and over the age of 40. Even then I would suggest therapy. But, as you say, he's not, so this is a problem.
Unfortunately for your friend, being trapped by such music at a young age only has one solution.
Sadly, there are only a few jurisdictions in the world where humans can be euthanized. So, unless you live in Holland or Sweden, your friend is pretty much screwed.
You say his mom listens to Staind and Saliva, so its not parental influence. My parents listened to Charli Pride and Johnny Horton every Sunday, and while I still know all the lyrics to "Kiss an Angel Good Morning" and "Whispering Pines" I would rather stick a hot screwdriver in my ear that listen to those again.
So, euthanasia, and parental influence are out.
Okay, here's an idea. This works on me all the time.
You need a really hot girl (if he's into those) . If you can't find a volunteer, hit up your guild for contributions and check out the "Erotic Services" section of the Craigslist in your city.
Have this girl befriend him, and subtly exert influence. Its been my experience that guys will do anything for hot girls.
Failing that, I think the only solution is a "long drive out into the country"
Just make sure he doesn't have a cell phone with built in gps because he'll find his way home.
It occurs to me that you could probably make a few bucks off of that. Go to Best Buy, pick up a decent camcorder, and follow him around the woods. I think the Documentary Channel would pay for something titled "The Feral GM".
That's the best I can do with this one....euthanasia is probably your best bet. Maybe everyone chip and get him a ticket to Amsterdam?
Cheers,
Moo.
I have a perplexing problem, and I need your help.
Our Guild Master is pretty good at stuff like putting together raids, but I'm deeply concerned about him.
He's on the young side (if I sent him porn I'd probably go to jail), so you'll see that this is a real issue.
He seems to be stuck in the 80's.
Whenever he keys his mike in vent we hear horrible music in the background, I mean, stuff like Boy George and ABBA!
We thought maybe his mom had her stereo on, but we've since discovered that she prefers bands like Staind and Saliva.
How can we help him Moo!
Signed,
Worried
Dear Worried
I can see that you're concerned and I'm glad you brought this to me
There's nothing wrong with your friend's musical taste so long as he's kind of lame and over the age of 40. Even then I would suggest therapy. But, as you say, he's not, so this is a problem.
Unfortunately for your friend, being trapped by such music at a young age only has one solution.
Sadly, there are only a few jurisdictions in the world where humans can be euthanized. So, unless you live in Holland or Sweden, your friend is pretty much screwed.
You say his mom listens to Staind and Saliva, so its not parental influence. My parents listened to Charli Pride and Johnny Horton every Sunday, and while I still know all the lyrics to "Kiss an Angel Good Morning" and "Whispering Pines" I would rather stick a hot screwdriver in my ear that listen to those again.
So, euthanasia, and parental influence are out.
Okay, here's an idea. This works on me all the time.
You need a really hot girl (if he's into those) . If you can't find a volunteer, hit up your guild for contributions and check out the "Erotic Services" section of the Craigslist in your city.
Have this girl befriend him, and subtly exert influence. Its been my experience that guys will do anything for hot girls.
Failing that, I think the only solution is a "long drive out into the country"
Just make sure he doesn't have a cell phone with built in gps because he'll find his way home.
It occurs to me that you could probably make a few bucks off of that. Go to Best Buy, pick up a decent camcorder, and follow him around the woods. I think the Documentary Channel would pay for something titled "The Feral GM".
That's the best I can do with this one....euthanasia is probably your best bet. Maybe everyone chip and get him a ticket to Amsterdam?
Cheers,
Moo.
Needs more to do
Dear Moo,
All of my life, I've wanted an answer to one question, and due to your unrivaled brilliance, I feel you may hold the answer. This all consuming query is the age old "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
Sincerely,
Hoping you have life's important answers
Dear Hoping;
The answer to this one is deeper than you could ever comprehend.
I could delve into the tangibles of this, the layers of complexity involving variables such as the thickness of the enamel on the woodchuck's teeth, the caloric intake on the day of the chucking, the age and relative health of woodchuck.
But that's not really the issue here is it?
Let's be honest, if you've been wondering this "all your life" then there is something deeply troubling going on.
First off, I can see why you play a hunter. The 2 button rotation required for awesome dps allows your mind to wander to such places.
Secondly, go read a book or something, because you know...there are better things to wonder about...like what does Angelina Jolie look like naked? Well you can go watch Gia to figure that out.
So how about this...what does Teryl Rothiery (the doctor on Stargate SG1 for the first 7 seasons) look like naked...yes, that's it.....
oh, sorry I zoned there for a second.
But to answer your question (yes, I have the answer) to use the metric system, the answer is 42.
Regards,
Moo
All of my life, I've wanted an answer to one question, and due to your unrivaled brilliance, I feel you may hold the answer. This all consuming query is the age old "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
Sincerely,
Hoping you have life's important answers
Dear Hoping;
The answer to this one is deeper than you could ever comprehend.
I could delve into the tangibles of this, the layers of complexity involving variables such as the thickness of the enamel on the woodchuck's teeth, the caloric intake on the day of the chucking, the age and relative health of woodchuck.
But that's not really the issue here is it?
Let's be honest, if you've been wondering this "all your life" then there is something deeply troubling going on.
First off, I can see why you play a hunter. The 2 button rotation required for awesome dps allows your mind to wander to such places.
Secondly, go read a book or something, because you know...there are better things to wonder about...like what does Angelina Jolie look like naked? Well you can go watch Gia to figure that out.
So how about this...what does Teryl Rothiery (the doctor on Stargate SG1 for the first 7 seasons) look like naked...yes, that's it.....
oh, sorry I zoned there for a second.
But to answer your question (yes, I have the answer) to use the metric system, the answer is 42.
Regards,
Moo
Confused DK
Dear Moo;
I'm a level 80 Death Knight whose interested in raiding.
The problem is that I think I'm pregnant! (I'm female btw).
I haven't had my "visitor" now for a very very long time!
OMG, is there a day care in ICC? Does T10 plate come in maternity sizes?!
omg, what will my mom say?!
Moo! Help!!
Signed,
Don't wanna be a mom!
Dear Don't Wanna;
You really need to start ninja'ing cloth gear because omg, do you ever need the +int!
Let me start with some basic biology.
I'm no doctor (oh wait, I'm a healer...so I guess I am!) but I'm pretty sure there are three basic requirements to menstrate.
These are:
i) You be female
ii) You have reached puberty but not menopause, and.....
iii) YOU HAVE A PULSE!
I don't know if maybe you were sleeping in Death Knight school, but you do know you're dead right?!
To sum up:
You're dead, that's why you don't get your period.
So, the problem isn't that you're pregnant, its that fact that you're stupid.
Love,
Moo
I'm a level 80 Death Knight whose interested in raiding.
The problem is that I think I'm pregnant! (I'm female btw).
I haven't had my "visitor" now for a very very long time!
OMG, is there a day care in ICC? Does T10 plate come in maternity sizes?!
omg, what will my mom say?!
Moo! Help!!
Signed,
Don't wanna be a mom!
Dear Don't Wanna;
You really need to start ninja'ing cloth gear because omg, do you ever need the +int!
Let me start with some basic biology.
I'm no doctor (oh wait, I'm a healer...so I guess I am!) but I'm pretty sure there are three basic requirements to menstrate.
These are:
i) You be female
ii) You have reached puberty but not menopause, and.....
iii) YOU HAVE A PULSE!
I don't know if maybe you were sleeping in Death Knight school, but you do know you're dead right?!
To sum up:
You're dead, that's why you don't get your period.
So, the problem isn't that you're pregnant, its that fact that you're stupid.
Love,
Moo
Distracted Healer
Dear Moo;
My healer is pretty good but is easily distracted. I think he surfs porn while healing me in boss fights.
He's a pretty good guy (for a pervert), but how can get him to pay attention to me instead of watching porn during raids?
Signed,
Please don't let me die you pervert!
Dear Let Me Die;
Well, I think the problem here is not your healer, but you.
Do you have any idea how unattractive plate armour is?
Do you think your healer would rather be looking at you, or some nubile thing on some free porn website.
To delve into theorycrafting for a moment, I think the following formula applies:
titties>plate armour
But, of course none of this helps you. Here's what I would do.
If you're not a female toon, pay for a change so you can become one.
Then, just before the raid, take off your armour and raid nude.
It always helps to stop tanking and emote a kiss or something every so often.
Your healer will be paying attention and everyone will be happy!!
My healer is pretty good but is easily distracted. I think he surfs porn while healing me in boss fights.
He's a pretty good guy (for a pervert), but how can get him to pay attention to me instead of watching porn during raids?
Signed,
Please don't let me die you pervert!
Dear Let Me Die;
Well, I think the problem here is not your healer, but you.
Do you have any idea how unattractive plate armour is?
Do you think your healer would rather be looking at you, or some nubile thing on some free porn website.
To delve into theorycrafting for a moment, I think the following formula applies:
titties>plate armour
But, of course none of this helps you. Here's what I would do.
If you're not a female toon, pay for a change so you can become one.
Then, just before the raid, take off your armour and raid nude.
It always helps to stop tanking and emote a kiss or something every so often.
Your healer will be paying attention and everyone will be happy!!
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