The family that raids together...doesn't necessarily...

Dear Moo,

My husband and I have been World of Warcraft for a few years now, it’s been going fairly well. However, I've met this other woman in game...a BELF Pally tank and lately it seems I’ve been more excited playing with her than my husband. I’m very confused as I don’t feel friendship towards her, it’s more primal.


Confused Cow


Dear Confused;

What's going on here is pretty obvious.
You haven't mentioned your husband's class, or playstyle or leetness at all, so I'm going to presume he's a casual player.

And there's nothing wrong with that, except in the case where you're married to, and playing with another WoW Player.

You're probably worried about your feelings towards this other woman, wondering if you're bi-sexual, or maybe even a full-on lesbian. I can imagine this is keeping you awake at night, with questions like "Do I invite my husband to my "Coming Out" Party?"

Well, relax. You're probably not a lesbian...probably.

What is more likely is that you have a condition called Opaphelia, or more properly spelt OPaphelia. You are sexually attracted to players who truly are OP, regardless of their race or gender (in game and irl)

You likely haven't noticed this before, as I imagine you wrote off the little twinges of lust you felt when watching someone climb the meters to the porn you were surfing in another window. If you don't surf porn in another window you were probably thinking about it...same thing.

But, you've "befriended" this woman so you're around her more and have noticed these primal urges are associated with her online status.

What to do about this? Well there are a couple of avenues.

The first, and the one I would recommend is to engage in hot, steamy cybersex. I'm willing to assist in this. Merely send me the chat logs (and any webcam, voice chat recordings), and I will give them a thorough analysis...at no charge because you're an avid reader.

This will allow you to fully explore your feelings.

The second you will need to alter your gaming set up for. First off...wrap your monitor in plastic, then go out and buy one of those roll-up rubber waterproof keyboards. Move your PC so it is well away from your seat.

Next, you'll need one of those water cooler things with the 18L jugs of water (make sure it refrigerates the water.

Once you have all that set up, get a big pitcher and keep it filled with chilled water at all times.

Whenever your friend comes online or speaks to you, douse yourself with cold water, liberally.

This is called "aversion therapy". It sounds like it would be pretty effective.

I hope something in all this has helped.

Good luck!

Cheers,
Moo