'Lock Aggro

Hi Moo;

I haven't been playing this game too long. I've got a hunter whose just hit level 30.

When I first started playing it was fun. I met this warlock and we started questing together. Pretty soon we started talking about our lives outside the game, and you know, I really like this guy (but not in a gay way).

So anyway, we got into a fight about how hunters are OP and stopped questing together. I kept trying to patch things up, then one day he put me on his ignore list.

I was crushed.

I saw him every now again, and saw he was leveling really fast. Last I saw him he was 74!

One day while I was questing in Duskwood and hearthed back to Stormwind for something and there he was in the inn! I saw him turn towards me and waved at him but he ran off with some guildies.

A few minutes later, he whispered me, "Hey". I was so happy! I replied, then he said, "1 sec"

A couple of minutes later I got a summons from him! I took it, and ended up way out in the ocean with him and 2 of his guildies. I asked them if they needed my help on a quest or something, then they hearthed! I died like 5 times from fatigue trying to swim back to Stormwind!

I whispered him asking him what went wrong that he had to hearth. He logged off.

I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks. Then out of the blue he whispered me and asked if I could hearth to Stormwind and pick him up some mana drinks, then he'd summon me and give me 15 gold. He's my friend, so of course I said yes!

So he summons me. To Storm Peaks. On top of a mountain. In the middle of nowhere!

I get there and I see him and his friends flying off. I can't fly off anywhere! I'm only level 30!

I didn't get my 15g either!

Why does he keep summoning me for help and then go away? I mean, if he's so busy why doesn't he wait before summoning me?

Signed,
Don't Summon Me!


Dear Don't

This is a real head scratcher. Seriously, I just scratched my head.

There are two problems here. The first is that you're needy and don't have many friends. I think there are a couple of things you could do to fix this.

The first, everyday at the same time you should sit in front of a mirror, look at yourself and say this. "Hi, my name is [your name here], I smart, and talented. I'm a good person and I'm good at World of Warcraft. I'm not at all needy or gullible, and dog gone it people like me!"

Back in the 80's they called this a "Daily Affirmation". It was for people with self-esteem so low that they'd believe any positive bullshit they'd hear from anyone...including a mirror.

If you don't have a mirror or aren't incredibly lame, you might try SecondLife. You can build some hot, sexy toon and have members of the opposite sex pay lots of attention to you. You can run around and try to find quests, but good luck with that.

All that's well and good if you're a bit of a...I want to use the word pansy, but I don't want to insult you. So ummm, hmmm, if you're ahhh...mild mannered.
Otherwise there is only one thing you can do...

REVENGE!!!!

You're low level and he's climbing up pretty quick so changing factions and camping his ass isn't going to work...and by camping his ass, I don't mean in a gay way.

Here's what I would do in your situation.

Go out and start a trial account and see if you can post to the forums with it. Go to the realm forums and post looking for Horde PvP'ers willing to take up your cause. Offer to pay them, in real money. Make it a contest, like...the first person to send you a screen shot of his corpse will get $500 in their paypal account (I personally would go much higher, but that's me).
Then you neglect to close the contest once the deed is done. It would be good in fact to keep bumping up your post. You might want to switch servers or factions after doing this though...because you know...you're pissing off people who like to camp other players.

If that's not to your taste I would take a leave of absence from your job (or quit outright and move back to your parents basement...unless you're already there). Get your hunter up to 80 ASAP and start raiding. Change your toon's name too. Get into raids with him and constantly misdirect on him. Do this everytime your CD's are up. Make sure you yell at him in vent for not watching his threat.

You'll probably get found out by the raid, but as long as you've got the money to change your name repeatedly you can do it over and over.

One more suggestion.
Roll a warlock with the same name as your "friend". Use some special characters but very discrete ones. Level your new lock to 80. Then join raids. Roll on plate armour, curse at people and generally suck. Make sure no one would ever invite you to a raid again. Do that often, as much as you can.
Also, yell alot in Dalaran, and in trade. Curse at people, insult them, tell people you can do crafting that you can't...and make them come to you in Silvermoon, offering them great deals to make it worth the trip.
Your friend's name will be mud. Keep an eye on his friends. If you see them hanging out with a new warlock with similiar gear, change your name using the same rule...something that looks identical.

And remember, "Revenge is a dish best served cold."

Have fun, and be safe!
Moo.

Emote Hell

/target Mooicusrex
/golfclap
/angry
/chicken
/invite
/invite to sign charter
/invite to sign charter
/invite to sign charter
/invite to sign charter
/duel
/duel
/duel
/duel
/duel
/spit
/chicken
/rude
/gasp
/bark
/bite
/snub

Signed,
Goober



Dear Goober;

/ignore Goober

Luv,
Moo



--apologies to all the Goober's out there...I just picked a name out of thin air :)

Feeling Picked On...

Hi Moo;

I'm a Prot Warrior. I went Prot because that's what my wife said our guild needed. I'm supposed to do something called "Tanking". I don't know what that means, but my guild was pretty happy when I said that..something about not having to PuG.

I was happy just running around picking flowers and emoting waves to Allied players. Sometimes they kill me, which hurts my feelings, but wifey says that's part of the game and I shouldn't get too upset about it.

So anyway, I started raiding, but I don't get it. I'm mean I'm pretty good at following instructions. My wife sat with me and showed me what buttons to push when certain things happened. Like to start a fight I press 4 to drop Death and Decay, then T for Icy Touch, then F for Plague, then 6 for Pestilence, then G twice, then B until I can't do that, then G again. Oh every once in awhile I have to hit the "forward" button on this cool mouse my wife bought me to do Death Coil...I like doing that, the graphic is neat.

So here's my question...why do the mobs pick on me? I mean there are 9 other people in the raid, but they always seem to be hitting me...and omg, if they hit someone else I get screamed at to "Pick it up! Pick it up!"? I can't find the "Pick Up" button, and when asked my wife she just threw me a look and walked out of the room.

I need to figure this out. I hate it when they attack only me...I mean sometimes they hit someone named OT....his nameplate says something different...I opened up a ticket telling Blizz my UI was bugged, but all I got from the GM was "Stop bugging me with jokes" and he closed the ticket!

I talked about going back to flower picking and selling stuff on the AH, but my wife cut me off for like 2 weeks! (normally its only a week and a half and only when I do good in raids).

Help Moo!

Signed,
Bullied by Mobs (and my guild sometimes)


Dear Bullied;

Why do mobs pick on you? Well, I checked your guild out on the armory and you're the prettiest one there. Mobs hate toons that are pretty...that's why raids filled with Orcs, Trolls and Gnomes do so well and ones with Blood Elf, Human, Night Elf and Tauren females do so poorly. The mobs can't generate the jealousy required to do uuber damage when the toons are as ugly as they are.

But that's not really your issue is it? The problem is your marriage, more specifically you.

I hate to tell you this, but to your wife you're nothing more than an organic multi-boxing add on. Does she have a nickname for you...is it "Bot"?

The fact that you're less worried about this and more worried that mobs pick on you speaks volumes about how you view yourself in the world. I wouldn't say this is self-esteem but it runs deeper than that.

I'd be willing to wager that while you were growing up your mom told you you were pretty, and, when your dad wasn't around, dressed you up in dresses and pigtails.

Now, I don't know how your wife will react to this, but you need to man up...and if it works and she doesn't like the fact that you can think for yourself, you won't care.

So....here's what you have to do.

Drop the wine coolers and drink beer...not the good imported stuff...get the cheapest stuff you can get...and learn to belch. My dad always told me that cheap beer puts hair on a man's chest, so I think its got testosterone in it or something.

Next, watch as much Ultimate Fighting as you can. Condition yourself not to look away during the violent bits, but rather jump off the couch and cheer jubilantly (extra points if you spill your beer doing this).

Next...work on your raiding. Go to tankspot.com and read up on DK tanking. Here's the thing....tanks WANT mobs to hit them. And when you're in a raid and a mob your tanking goes after dps...yell at them (the dps, not the mob)....tell them something like "WATCH YOUR FUCKING THREAT NOOB OR YOU CAN BLOODY WELL TANK IT!!!"...practice in a mirror...get good at saying that.

Work on being the best tank you can be.

Now we'll deal with the wife and hopefully save your marriage...

Go get Recount Meter, and watch your wife's dps. If she's not at the top, gently criticize her, and suggest she grind heroics for better gear. If she's at the bottom, mock her for it, then refuse to speak to her until she improves.

As for sex...I would tell her that unless she's at the top of the meter she's on her own.

You'll likely find this the best advice on saving your marriage you can get. Remember, I've been married twice, so I've had lots of practice.

Oh wait...if your wife is a healer, then, well...treat her like gold!

Best of Luck!
Moo



-a note from Moo. No offense to imported beer drinkers...I drink Stella, and if you've a problem with that I'll happily shove my beautifully crafted Stella pint glass down your throat! :)